An Honest Look at 2024 & My 2025 In/Out List

well, hello there!

from L to R: NYE bolognese, me, georgie the cat

The internet is a strange place! How can a series of Instagram stories, TikToks, or carousel posts encapsulate the nuance of being a human/being alive/being an adult/experiencing 365 days?

The answer is, it can’t.

Over the last few days, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on 2024: the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Though this “review” of sorts barely scratches the surface, it looked a little like this:

I found my favorite meatball recipe (it’s Roy Choi’s). I got sick right at the beginning of the year. I, like the rest of the world, drooled over Jeremy Allen White’s Calvin Klein campaign. I was stretched too thin and burnt out by an understaffing issue at my job. I ran right through my sick time to makeup for how burnt out I was. I got closer to two friends I really admired and I made new friends who loved music as much as me.

I made a lot of playlists and shared a lot of favorite songs.

I failed to get back into ballet class. I threw maybe two dinner parties even though I would’ve liked to have thrown more. I made a lot of plans that I didn’t have the capacity to follow through with.

I interviewed for jobs I tried not to get my hopes up for. I got my hopes up anyway. I didn’t get the jobs. I felt stuck. I spent a lot of time feeling stuck. I hated my job. I leaned on my coworkers-turned-friends to cope with hating my job. They became my silver lining. I cried in phone booths while on my therapy calls at work.

I focused on writing this substack. I fell off from writing this substack. I applied for a writers’ mentorship I didn’t get. I pitched a story that let me experience the editorial process of my dreams and got connected to the coolest creatives.

I turned 30 and celebrated a big birthday with a big dinner party. I watched friends go through significant loss. I grieved for them and with them. I grieved my own loss. Together, we laughed a lot to get through the pain.

I didn’t tell a friend how I felt. We drifted apart. I went on adventures, and enjoyed a summer of play, and ate a lot of pizza. I fell in love with new albums and watched as friends moved away.

I took a breath.

I was reminded that believing in yourself is a practice.

I practiced.

I am still practicing.

I cried to ABBA’s “Chiquitita” in my car (great song to cry to, if you’re looking). I got new tattoos. I finally became a Kacey Musgraves fan (late to the game, I know). I spent sunny days in the pool with my favorite people, and obsessively ate cherries during cherry season, and opened up my heart.

I let myself be happy.

I took a leap of faith and embraced newness. I told someone else how I felt. I did a career change and shed old layers of myself like snakeskin.

I allowed myself to be malleable, taking on new shapes, in new spaces, with new faces. Maybe I shed parts of my old life a little too quickly.

I held myself tight and leaned on my people when things didn’t go the way I planned. I snuggled a lot with the boys (my cats).

I reconnected.

I bet on myself.

All in all, the highlight reel of my life looks like lots of smiles with great food and my cute friends, but the reality is that my year has been ebbs and flows and a whole lot of figuring out.

And I’m still (forever) figuring it out, trying my best, by putting one foot in front of the other.

Happy New Year, friends!

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I did an In & Out list last year for fun with no expectation that they’d be making a comeback. However, after a year of questioning WHY we were doing these again (I used to write these in my middle school diary so it does feel a little weird in a nostalgic but… weird way) I’ve come to conclusion that I do still like them. So here I am again… one year later… with (appropriately so) The Pasta Girl Diaries in/out list.

**Important to note that last year I said bucatini was out and it shook y’all to the core—whoops.

IN:

• Long distance besties

• Zines & self publishing

• As Beyonce famously once said, “Comfortable in my skin, COZY with who I am.” (UNIQUE!)

• Using social media to make new connections with people that inspire you in your field. I have a friend who does this and I admire her tenacity and ability to connect with people online so much. (non-romantically, but you know what? I take it back: slide into the DMs romantically if that’s what’s in your heart, bbs)

• Blaming Billionaires

• Supporting your local bookstores

• Having a library card

• Making playlists for yourself

• Unstructured play time with friends

• Spending quality time with yourself

• Stupid Little Mental Health Hot Girl Walks TM (they’re not stupid; I love them so much)

• Making moodboards

• Checking in with friends

• Making art for fun. Making art for just ourselves.

• Staying in touch

OUT:

• Being out of touch

• Saying mean things to ourselves (this will always be out in my book)

• Using the New Year and Resolution culture to (body)shame ourselves into “healthier” habits (when does this ever work/when is this ever sustainable?)

• Buying books on Am*zon (read: blaming billionaires & supporting local bookstores)

• Putting Caviar on everything culture. I’m sorry, but this has just gotten out of hand.

• Needing to be right

• Colloquially using ‘yes, chef.’ This has also gotten out of hand.

• Being an adult. This is exhausting, isn’t it? I’d like to go back to being a kid without bills whose job is to read fanfic in my room, thank you so much.

• My Saturn Return

• Worrying about engagement on social media.